WHERE NOT TO GO IN SF FOR CLAM CHOWDER

NEVER HAVE I RANTED ONLINE ABOUT A PLACE OF BUSINESS, BUT ALIOTO'S CLAM CHOWDER IN SAN FRANCISCO HAS RAGED ME INTO ACTION.

honestly. i have never been so pissed off at a dish before. because this wasn't a question of differing tastes, it was simply a result of carelessness and lack of integrity.

ok the soup itself was flavorless as well, but whatever maybe i like heavily flavored things.

my friend and i went to the pier to get some soup to end our day in san francisco. we decided not to go to boudin, and to try some of the smaller shops on the side.

and i don't know if i had set my expectations too high, but this soup put me off clam chowders forever.

it was flavorless, lukewarm, sandy, and LUMPY.

ok, maybe when i say lumpy it doesnt sound too bad. but i mean, when i put it on my spoon and then to my mouth, it sat on my spoon like oatmeal. when i tasted it, i almost thought they had pre-breaded my soup, but soon realized that all those lumps where lumps of flour they had used for the roux in the beginning of the cooking process.

EXCUUUUUUUUUSE ME!?!?!?!

is that not the FIRST STEP USED WHEN MAKING THIS SOUP?!?!?

HOW COULD YOU FUCK UP THE FIRST STEP, THE BASIS OF THE WHOLE DISH?

ALL YOU HAVE TO FUCKING DO IS STIR! STIR!

upon reflection i realized maybe it was because our timing was off...going near the end of the day would probably result in us getting leftovers.

but wait...hold it...think about it....

WHY THE HELL WERE WE GETTING LEFTOVERS

you know what'll happen if you serve leftovers? you'll get someone fucking angry like me ranting about it and telling all patrons NOT TO GO THERE.

chefs who serve food, and ask people to pay for the preparation of it, have a responsibility to the people who eat it. that's the bottom line. that's your fucking job. your livelihood is to make other people happy through your food. don't you take any pride in that?

you think it's not the rush hour, so only a few people will get your shitty chowder and that you can get away with it.

DEFINITELY NOT THE CASE.

3.

find some sheep in the pasture!

checklist

i've been talking to roland about my trip, and he's deemed it a lucia holiday.

and, there are three things i'm supposed to do during this holiday.

too bad i only remember two of what he said.

1. eat indian food
2. charm an english boy.
3. ? i forgot.

i was going to write it down as soon as we went over it, but i procrastinated and now have forgotten!
damn my bad habits.

it's okay. the first two seem important enough.

and in the words of kheng...

"Anyway, have lots of fun in England. Drink if it makes you happy. Use protection. Be safe."

idk irritates me.

listening to jack johnson and do as infinity and reading good omens

i have no idea where the past two months have gone, but i have to say that it's been a nice hazy filling time, and i think i'm finally ready to get things going again.

god, when i first got back, i think i slept for two weeks straight, and i didn't even have enough energy to make the turkey i had planned for christmas. my last week in taiwan was a freaking whirlwind, and i was sick for most of it..as those who saw me in japan can attest.

congrats to me! haha. i think my period might finally be getting back to normal. sorry if that's tmi, but it's really a great relief since it'd been stressing me out for about three months. it was so freaking draining when it wouldnt stop.

i've caught glimpses of a show on mtv called "the buried life," and i dunno..for a reality show on MTV (the network that started the Jersey Shore - which is also pretty amazing) it's freaking inspiring.

it's basically just one simple question: What do you want to do before you die?

having realized just how truly lazy i am, i'm not even going to consider what i would do today if i were to die tomorrow, cuz then, i would probably just make horseradish sour cream mashed potatoes (courtesy of tyler florence), lemon drop cupcakes (courtesy of rachel rappaport), and go to muir woods and then sit at the beach for the rest of the day with some hot cocoa. maybe watch some movies and play some rock band. all of this, with friends, of course. actually...that doesnt sound half bad.

i wouldn't do anything inspiring, or anything that would make me somehow in/famous and make a ton of money... cuz seriously, that's not really the point, is it?
and i'm much much much too lazy for that.

but what i've thought of i think i could do, tolerably well, and have a pretty good time while i'm at it. so that's what i would do.

WHO WANTS TO DO IT WITH ME?!?!?! krysta...i'm really looking at you cuz you're supposed to come visit ahahahhaa.

we should all figure out something to do with one another yeah?

yeah yeah yeah.




side note:
mtv also came out with an american version of silent library..which isnt half as cool as the japanese one. why?
strangers play with each other for money, with new strangers each week. japanese silent library was hilarious because they just filmed a group of friends who loved to fuck with each other and laugh. american jackass style.

that's the point right?

it's always about FRIENDS~!

reading tuesdays with morrie

i have seven days of work left in taiwan...my first job out of college is finally coming to an end.

i have extremely mixed feelings about everything. even though i can say with absolute certainty that i don't want to stay here, i can't help but feel like crying when i think about telling my students that i'm going (which i still haven't done. irresponsible..i know), or when i think about leaving the friends that i've made here.

it's been ten long months of waiting, dark, hazy and unclear. usually filled with pain, emotional and physical, and endless confusion. asking myself who i am. seeing pictures of myself, knowing that it's me, yet...completely unable to associate that person with who i am inside.

but all of a sudden my experiences are coming into focus, and i can remember all the good things that i horded and hid somewhere in my ridiculous brain. i bought those memories with my unhappiness, and it's about time i brought them out, and let them shine like the drops of brilliant crystal that they are.


funny, i thought i could write about them...but i can't seem to articulate what any of them are.

even when i'm next to a good friend, i can still say point blank that i hate it here. even though they've said that they don't want me to leave. even though i know i'm insulting our friendship by essentially saying, "we're good friends and i'm so glad that i know you and met you and that you spent time with me when i was lonely, but i hate this place. this place you love, where you live, where you grew up, and where you want to be."

maybe it's because i was reading tuesdays with morrie while i was watching closer, but for some reason the only example of pure, energizing joy i can remember right now is this:

i met a boy. and he talked to me like he actually liked me. like he actually might want something real. and i believed him so that i could feel that sense of being full and complete, like i was someone that could be adored and wanted. i said to myself, enjoy this right now. enjoy this feeling because it's rare and not the result of crazy hormones, lack of sleep, alcohol, sugar, caffeine, a shopping high, or an unhealthy diet. it's real. someone likes you. a boy likes you.

you love him in this moment, and it's okay even if he breaks your heart later.

and i did do that..and i think it's the most courageous thing i did while i was here...to allow myself to feel that without hesitation and without doubt.

it was silly but i did it, and even though my reservations about him were completely on point, i'm still completely happy that i did what i did.

because i havent been able to do that since. and i worry that i won't be able to do it again, that i've pushed away any chance for it to happen. i can't even seem to open my heart to my friends.

i thought this post would be a bittersweet reminisce, something that would end my time here on a happy note, but it seems like i was mistaken. for all the good things i know i've experienced here, for some reason i still can't seem to dig myself out of my own bitterness.

i just can't seem to open my mind and think it through.

no, can't, won't, and hate just come effortlessly to mind.

i can read more chinese now, and sometimes there are jokes on the cellophane lids on our cups.

"why don't black people like eating dark chocolate?"

"because they're afraid they might accidentally bite off one of their fingers."

i've never seen so much innocent ignorance in my life.

i'm scared of going home. i'm scared of the nothing that's there.

but i hate just about everything that's here.